I always wanted to write a book...
11.29.2009
11.14.2009
The Law School Admission Test
I took it. I barely studied since it was my first time taking it. I ran out of time on every single section which vastly effected my score. Well, that could be a lie. Maybe the wrong questions were the ones I actually put thought into... I'm not sure that I can see which questions I got wrong. The plan was to retake the test in January, apply to law schools, finish my degree and move on to whichever school has enough sense to take me.
But, of course, I keep changing my plan. I learned that law schools like to see experience before they accept their students, and most law students don't go until they are 27. This would work out perfectly since I hate school and I'm disciplined enough to go back. I wouldn't actually use my degree until I was about 40 years old anyway when I work for UNICEF, so I don't need it right away.
Now I am considering a masters in public policy and nonprofit management. I added that major, which I didn't think through- it's 64 credits instead of 44. So now I have more time to take the LSAT. But if I don't enroll in law school within the next 5 years, taking the LSAT now is pointless. There are two schools I would love to go to: Georgetown for it's location (DC) and public policy program, and Boulder for it's dual JD for family law and public policy. Pamela wants to go to DC, so obviously that is my number one choice. I feel like I can't move forward without her. We share the same passion and dreams, so obviously I'd follow her anywhere. It's rare to find someone as supportive as she is.
On a side note, I really want to go to Russia. The OFYC had a meeting with Russian delegates to discuss their move toward a nationalized foster care system. We barely had enough time to get to the important details, but I made a Russian friend who has the same position as I have but in Russia, obviously. We rely on Google Translate to communicate through email, but it will work for now. She is the second from the left:
I have never wanted to leave the country more! This could also be due to the crap I have to deal with right now. All the sudden, it feels like everyone around me is just acting childish and resistant. Everything is being made into a huge problem. I ask for one email, and for some reason, it's a huge problem. If I want something done, I have to do it myself. If this is the position the OFYC is in right now, then I can't leave Oregon for a while. I don't trust anyone else but Pamela to lead them and I feel like if we take off too soon, the board will just fall apart. Even if someone did take over, I fear that it won't be done right.
So the OFYC is keeping me in Oregon for a couple more years. Saif, of course, is too. We didn't plan to separate for a couple more years when he finishes school. He has become rather convenient, and I was advised not to get comfortable with him but I did and it was rough but so worth it.
We've decided to go to Seattle for Thanksgiving. My friend lives there with her husband and her son. She drove to Salem to see me at the Governor's lunch and I'm so excited to meet her family! Saif and I will have a very nice, relaxing holiday so I'm excited to get out of Oregon, even if it is just an hour out.
But, of course, I keep changing my plan. I learned that law schools like to see experience before they accept their students, and most law students don't go until they are 27. This would work out perfectly since I hate school and I'm disciplined enough to go back. I wouldn't actually use my degree until I was about 40 years old anyway when I work for UNICEF, so I don't need it right away.
Now I am considering a masters in public policy and nonprofit management. I added that major, which I didn't think through- it's 64 credits instead of 44. So now I have more time to take the LSAT. But if I don't enroll in law school within the next 5 years, taking the LSAT now is pointless. There are two schools I would love to go to: Georgetown for it's location (DC) and public policy program, and Boulder for it's dual JD for family law and public policy. Pamela wants to go to DC, so obviously that is my number one choice. I feel like I can't move forward without her. We share the same passion and dreams, so obviously I'd follow her anywhere. It's rare to find someone as supportive as she is.
On a side note, I really want to go to Russia. The OFYC had a meeting with Russian delegates to discuss their move toward a nationalized foster care system. We barely had enough time to get to the important details, but I made a Russian friend who has the same position as I have but in Russia, obviously. We rely on Google Translate to communicate through email, but it will work for now. She is the second from the left:
I have never wanted to leave the country more! This could also be due to the crap I have to deal with right now. All the sudden, it feels like everyone around me is just acting childish and resistant. Everything is being made into a huge problem. I ask for one email, and for some reason, it's a huge problem. If I want something done, I have to do it myself. If this is the position the OFYC is in right now, then I can't leave Oregon for a while. I don't trust anyone else but Pamela to lead them and I feel like if we take off too soon, the board will just fall apart. Even if someone did take over, I fear that it won't be done right.
So the OFYC is keeping me in Oregon for a couple more years. Saif, of course, is too. We didn't plan to separate for a couple more years when he finishes school. He has become rather convenient, and I was advised not to get comfortable with him but I did and it was rough but so worth it.
We've decided to go to Seattle for Thanksgiving. My friend lives there with her husband and her son. She drove to Salem to see me at the Governor's lunch and I'm so excited to meet her family! Saif and I will have a very nice, relaxing holiday so I'm excited to get out of Oregon, even if it is just an hour out.
9.15.2009
The 2009 Oregon Governor Volunteer Awards
A couple of weeks ago, I was sitting in Starbucks studying for my Spanish finals when I recieved an email notification that I was the Outstanding Adult Volunteer Awardee of the statewide 2009 Oregon Governor Volunteer Awards! Rosemary always tells me about these things she nominates me for, so I immediatley called her but she had no idea what I was talking about. A couple days later, Pamela called me to tell me "some good news", and I discovered it was her that nominated me. I have never even heard of this award, nor have I ever dreamed of being recognized for the work I do. OFYC hardly seems like a job or "work" to me, and I would be lucky if it was my job. Here is what they wrote about me in their pamplet:
"As Chair of the newly formed advocacy group Oregon Foster Youth Connection (OFYC), Jamie has worked vigorously for the past two years to give voice to the over 15,000 Oregon children in foster care. Not so long ago, Jamie was a youth in foster care herself, moving from home to home in a system where it is easy to fall through the cracks. Now that she is out of foster care, Jamie leads OFYC on its mission to improve the foster care system through advocacy, activism and leadership.
"Recently, under Jamie’s leadership the OFYC was able to draft a bill that empowers foster youth to take control of the process in obtaining their driver’s education and license. Testimony by Jamie and other OFYC members to various legislative committees has also helped advance legislation that would give health care to youth aging out of foster care until age 21. Outside of the legislature, Jamie has worked closely with the Oregon Department of Human Services to ensure that there is a youth voice within all boards that affect the foster care system. Furthermore, Jamie is dedicated to teaching others to advocate for themselves and conducts youth trainings statewide to ensure that all members of OFYC have the tools and encouragement to be powerful advocates in their own communities."
"Recently, under Jamie’s leadership the OFYC was able to draft a bill that empowers foster youth to take control of the process in obtaining their driver’s education and license. Testimony by Jamie and other OFYC members to various legislative committees has also helped advance legislation that would give health care to youth aging out of foster care until age 21. Outside of the legislature, Jamie has worked closely with the Oregon Department of Human Services to ensure that there is a youth voice within all boards that affect the foster care system. Furthermore, Jamie is dedicated to teaching others to advocate for themselves and conducts youth trainings statewide to ensure that all members of OFYC have the tools and encouragement to be powerful advocates in their own communities."
It was surreal to read about myself; I'm not sure I have ever had this opportunity before. It doesn't seem like I have accomplished much in such a short amount of time, and perhaps this little blurb is a bit exxaggerated. I have so many plans for OFYC and the Oregon foster care system, that these things they mention seem so tedious. I can think of many others who deserve to be recognized for their hard work. It's the people you don't meet that need the most gratitute, because they are working so hard for you that you never see them.
They asked for a quote from me about volunteerism. All I could think about for the last few weeks was the night I visited Melissa at her sorority and how her sisters described "their philanthropy." It makes me want to throw up, and it distracted me from coming up with an original quote. I wanted to keep it short, humble, and personal. This is what I settled on (since they didn't give me much time):
They asked for a quote from me about volunteerism. All I could think about for the last few weeks was the night I visited Melissa at her sorority and how her sisters described "their philanthropy." It makes me want to throw up, and it distracted me from coming up with an original quote. I wanted to keep it short, humble, and personal. This is what I settled on (since they didn't give me much time):
“I believe volunteering for a cause you are passionate about is the most stimulating and fulfilling way to spend your time. When you do what you are passionate about, you become what you love, and the world changes. What a difference the world would be if everyone did what they loved!”
The song that is refereced on the right side of my page inspires me to keep doing what I love, and I wanted to inject that passion into this quote so that maybe those who read it would be inspired to do what they love as well. I wanted to tell the world that you don't have to have a job you hate. So many people are blinded by finances and commutes, but I'm sure if you have a passion, there is a way to fulfill it.
The luncheon is coming up, and I want to invite everyone!
The luncheon is coming up, and I want to invite everyone!
8.25.2009
My Riddlin: Silly Quizzes
1. What time did you get up this morning? Maybe... 5:30 am?
2. How do you like your steak? Juicy and delicious!
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Inglourious Basterds. Great film.
4. What is your favorite TV show? I only like to watch Greys Anatomy with my girl friends, and in the off season, I usually get addicted to whatever show is on during the times I am sitting watching television. Right now: My Antonio, the Real World: Cancun, and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? I wouldn't live in this world! I'm content in Oregon...
6. What did you have for breakfast? A bialy from Barry's and coffee
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Arabic chicken and rice or Kabobs from Iran.
8. What foods do you dislike? Curry, squash.
9. Favorite Place to Eat? Caspian!!!!
10. Favorite dressing? Balsamic Vinegar.
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? Toyota Carolla. Her name is Blair.
12. What are your favorite clothes? Saif's white v-neck tees and skinny jeans
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Just to VISIT with the promise that I can return to America with no problems, definitely Darfur. But to play, definitely Germany!!!
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Well that all depends on what is IN the cup...
15. Where would you want to retire? Yeah right. I love work. I'll never retire.
6. Favorite time of day? When the sun is going down and everything is pink.
17. Where were you born? Cali
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? I hate watching sports because I always want to play!
19. Who do you think will not tag you back? (Oh, this was a facebook thing).
20. Person you expect to tag you back first? ----
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? If I could chose anyone in the world... I would say: Hitler.
22. Bird watcher? BORING!
23. Are you a morning person or a night person? I wish I could be both, and it changes but I like to be a morning person.
24. Do you have any pets? I am dog sitting right now.
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? I am going to call the police...
26. What did you want to be when you were little? First I wanted to be an artists, then an interior designer, then a soccer player, then FBI, then a writer, then a director, and now a dirty politician...
27. What is your best childhood memory? They are all the memories when I was at the lake swimming or doing something outside, or in the car with Bethany. Hearing her scream is the best.
28. Are you a cat or dog person? Dogs.
29. Are you married? Never!!!!!
30. Always wear your seat belt? Saif won't drive unless I put it on. Soooo protective lol.
31. Been in a car accident? No way.
32. Any pet peeves? When people don't remember who I am! I hate it. I have a lot of pet peeves. I hate to be ignored. I hate when people are fake or crave attention. I hate when people pretend to be who they aren't or think I'm lying when I'm not. I hate repeating myself!!
33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? Cheese, of course
34. Favorite Flower? Daisies
35. Favorite ice cream? I'm with you, Katie, Udderly Chocolate!
36. Favorite fast food restaurant? KFC.
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Written? Passed it on the first try! Thank you, Mr. Pade.
38. From whom did you get your last email? Rosemary, of course. Or maybe Pamela. Either way, they are both give-ins.
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? The Limited. I already do max my card out there, but since there is none in Eugene, I have to settle for Macy's. I'm thinking about Banana Republic though...
40. Do anything spontaneous lately? Sadly no. Maybe that's my problem- I'd say I am doing something spontaneous tonight, but it's already planned so I think that defeats the purpose...
41. Like your job? I love all work!
42. Broccoli? Steamed please ;) With extra cheeze!
43. What was your favorite vacation? The cruise.
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? Probably Saif.
45. What are you listening to right now? Heather and Tony chatting, and Bruce trying to talk over them.
46. What is your favorite color? Choral orangeish pink
47. How many tattoos do you have? One, and the other is waiting for me in TX... I'm so excited!
48. How many are you tagging for this quiz? -----
49. What time did you finish this quiz? 3:41 PM!!! Time to go home!
50. Coffee Drinker? Only with my oxygen...
2. How do you like your steak? Juicy and delicious!
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Inglourious Basterds. Great film.
4. What is your favorite TV show? I only like to watch Greys Anatomy with my girl friends, and in the off season, I usually get addicted to whatever show is on during the times I am sitting watching television. Right now: My Antonio, the Real World: Cancun, and Extreme Makeover: Home Edition.
5. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? I wouldn't live in this world! I'm content in Oregon...
6. What did you have for breakfast? A bialy from Barry's and coffee
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Arabic chicken and rice or Kabobs from Iran.
8. What foods do you dislike? Curry, squash.
9. Favorite Place to Eat? Caspian!!!!
10. Favorite dressing? Balsamic Vinegar.
11.What kind of vehicle do you drive? Toyota Carolla. Her name is Blair.
12. What are your favorite clothes? Saif's white v-neck tees and skinny jeans
13. Where would you visit if you had the chance? Just to VISIT with the promise that I can return to America with no problems, definitely Darfur. But to play, definitely Germany!!!
14. Cup 1/2 empty or 1/2 full? Well that all depends on what is IN the cup...
15. Where would you want to retire? Yeah right. I love work. I'll never retire.
6. Favorite time of day? When the sun is going down and everything is pink.
17. Where were you born? Cali
18. What is your favorite sport to watch? I hate watching sports because I always want to play!
19. Who do you think will not tag you back? (Oh, this was a facebook thing).
20. Person you expect to tag you back first? ----
21. Who are you most curious about their responses to this? If I could chose anyone in the world... I would say: Hitler.
22. Bird watcher? BORING!
23. Are you a morning person or a night person? I wish I could be both, and it changes but I like to be a morning person.
24. Do you have any pets? I am dog sitting right now.
25. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? I am going to call the police...
26. What did you want to be when you were little? First I wanted to be an artists, then an interior designer, then a soccer player, then FBI, then a writer, then a director, and now a dirty politician...
27. What is your best childhood memory? They are all the memories when I was at the lake swimming or doing something outside, or in the car with Bethany. Hearing her scream is the best.
28. Are you a cat or dog person? Dogs.
29. Are you married? Never!!!!!
30. Always wear your seat belt? Saif won't drive unless I put it on. Soooo protective lol.
31. Been in a car accident? No way.
32. Any pet peeves? When people don't remember who I am! I hate it. I have a lot of pet peeves. I hate to be ignored. I hate when people are fake or crave attention. I hate when people pretend to be who they aren't or think I'm lying when I'm not. I hate repeating myself!!
33. Favorite Pizza Toppings? Cheese, of course
34. Favorite Flower? Daisies
35. Favorite ice cream? I'm with you, Katie, Udderly Chocolate!
36. Favorite fast food restaurant? KFC.
37. How many times did you fail your driver's test? Written? Passed it on the first try! Thank you, Mr. Pade.
38. From whom did you get your last email? Rosemary, of course. Or maybe Pamela. Either way, they are both give-ins.
39. Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? The Limited. I already do max my card out there, but since there is none in Eugene, I have to settle for Macy's. I'm thinking about Banana Republic though...
40. Do anything spontaneous lately? Sadly no. Maybe that's my problem- I'd say I am doing something spontaneous tonight, but it's already planned so I think that defeats the purpose...
41. Like your job? I love all work!
42. Broccoli? Steamed please ;) With extra cheeze!
43. What was your favorite vacation? The cruise.
44. Last person you went out to dinner with? Probably Saif.
45. What are you listening to right now? Heather and Tony chatting, and Bruce trying to talk over them.
46. What is your favorite color? Choral orangeish pink
47. How many tattoos do you have? One, and the other is waiting for me in TX... I'm so excited!
48. How many are you tagging for this quiz? -----
49. What time did you finish this quiz? 3:41 PM!!! Time to go home!
50. Coffee Drinker? Only with my oxygen...
8.23.2009
Un Verano Español
It has taken this long to recover from May. Not only did I take on National Foster Care Month like there would never be one again, I also devoted an entire day to a garage sale under the intense pressure of a close friend, as well as take a leadership role in some fellowship events by University Christian Fellowship, the outreach for international students. By the end of may, the OFYC:
Raised over $1,000 dollars to purchase OFYC Duffle Bags for other youth in care
Stuffed 300 duffle bags with personal items to be distributed across Oregon
Testified in front of legislative committees to fight for extended health care, driving privileges and access to higher education for foster youth
Submitted 4 OFYC youth videos to thousands of Oregonians
Were recognized on the front page of the Oregonian on May 18 th , in a article titled “Foster Care Fairness”
Were recognized on The Stump in the Oregonian on May 25 th in an article titled “Can you spare a duffle?”
Spoke at 2 Court Appointed Special Advocate events about your experiences and dreams for foster care
Walked 5K and raised money for the Oregon Foster Parent Association
Needless to say, May had it's accomplishments, but it was not easy. I find it hard to encourage OFYC members to take part in big projects, and usually, if one commits, they usually back out last minute. It's discouraging to me because I feel like I'm not the leader I think I could be, and when I am reassured that it's not me, I feel like the OFYC rests on the hands of me and the few that really believe in what we are doing.
After June, all my friends left.Andrea went back to Germany, and I doubt I'll ever be able to see her again. Talking to her is difficult because of the time difference. Deziree and I broke up. She needed too much of me, and I couldn't handle the pressure. The distance was also a problem, thus we had a fight and we never talked since. Breeze is the one I abandoned in California. We both have our own lives now, so we rarely laugh or play anymore. Kristina somehow has it in her head that I did something awful to her; she won't have anything to do with me, and because of her antics, I lost yet another friend, Casey, who I was close to (but he was into drugs and drinking so I don't consider it too much of loss). Bethany went to Africa, and now will not answer my calls, just like our parents. I think that she is mad because I decided not to come home for the holidays.
So, all summer, I have been focusing on school. I've thrown myself into work and have plans to distract myself with law school applications during my break in two weeks. Summers are hard. This is my second summer in a row that has really done a number on me. Last summer, I relentlessly dumped all my friends to move to California. I lost my wallet with everything I needed in it to survive. My car broke down for the last time. I didn't get accepted to the school I wanted. I had to take a second job at a gym and started dating a man that was horrible to me. I was becoming a strange person that I never wanted to even know.
My decision to return to Oregon was a good one, but this summer is yet again taking it's toll on me. The summers before were so excited, and now they are becoming something dreadful. I fear that my excitement for my life will fade, but I then think that it would take a lot to bring me down.
For now, as long as I have something to look forward to, I will be fine. I have a break coming up, and I will be going to Texas soon. I have a great boyfriend and I'm doing fine in school. I'm not broke and my car is running perfectly. I am perfectly fine.
I am a little hungry, though...
:P
Raised over $1,000 dollars to purchase OFYC Duffle Bags for other youth in care
Stuffed 300 duffle bags with personal items to be distributed across Oregon
Testified in front of legislative committees to fight for extended health care, driving privileges and access to higher education for foster youth
Submitted 4 OFYC youth videos to thousands of Oregonians
Were recognized on the front page of the Oregonian on May 18 th , in a article titled “Foster Care Fairness”
Were recognized on The Stump in the Oregonian on May 25 th in an article titled “Can you spare a duffle?”
Spoke at 2 Court Appointed Special Advocate events about your experiences and dreams for foster care
Walked 5K and raised money for the Oregon Foster Parent Association
Needless to say, May had it's accomplishments, but it was not easy. I find it hard to encourage OFYC members to take part in big projects, and usually, if one commits, they usually back out last minute. It's discouraging to me because I feel like I'm not the leader I think I could be, and when I am reassured that it's not me, I feel like the OFYC rests on the hands of me and the few that really believe in what we are doing.
After June, all my friends left.Andrea went back to Germany, and I doubt I'll ever be able to see her again. Talking to her is difficult because of the time difference. Deziree and I broke up. She needed too much of me, and I couldn't handle the pressure. The distance was also a problem, thus we had a fight and we never talked since. Breeze is the one I abandoned in California. We both have our own lives now, so we rarely laugh or play anymore. Kristina somehow has it in her head that I did something awful to her; she won't have anything to do with me, and because of her antics, I lost yet another friend, Casey, who I was close to (but he was into drugs and drinking so I don't consider it too much of loss). Bethany went to Africa, and now will not answer my calls, just like our parents. I think that she is mad because I decided not to come home for the holidays.
So, all summer, I have been focusing on school. I've thrown myself into work and have plans to distract myself with law school applications during my break in two weeks. Summers are hard. This is my second summer in a row that has really done a number on me. Last summer, I relentlessly dumped all my friends to move to California. I lost my wallet with everything I needed in it to survive. My car broke down for the last time. I didn't get accepted to the school I wanted. I had to take a second job at a gym and started dating a man that was horrible to me. I was becoming a strange person that I never wanted to even know.
My decision to return to Oregon was a good one, but this summer is yet again taking it's toll on me. The summers before were so excited, and now they are becoming something dreadful. I fear that my excitement for my life will fade, but I then think that it would take a lot to bring me down.
For now, as long as I have something to look forward to, I will be fine. I have a break coming up, and I will be going to Texas soon. I have a great boyfriend and I'm doing fine in school. I'm not broke and my car is running perfectly. I am perfectly fine.
I am a little hungry, though...
:P
5.03.2009
One Last Chance to Breathe...
Here it comes again: National Foster Care Month. Last year it gave me mono. This year, I anticipate the swine flu. So far, it has convinced me to alienate all my friends and hide away every chance I get.
This is one such chance. Saif is playing video games and I'm rather content on the computer doing absolutely nothing productive. All my midterms were rescheduled for this week: philanthropy on Wednesday, racial politics on Thursday, and astronomy on Friday. I won't even go to class on Monday- I haven't gone to school on Mondays or Fridays since the term started. Instead, I work on OFYC and National Foster Care Month. So everyone better care, because I worked hard for this.
I made president for OFYC in March. I really wanted it, but I fear that it will be like in high school when I made captain of the soccer team (I didn't really work for that one, it just kind of happened to me). When I get a leadership position, I tend to relax a little and don't put much effort into it. I feel like maybe it's because I'm in the mindset that I made it the top so there is nowhere else to go but down, but I don't want to go down. I was the worst team captain ever- I don't know what that coach was thinking. But, not only do I not want to let the OFYC members down, but I care a lot about foster care policy and I only have one year to make a huge difference through OFYC (unless I run for chair again and get it).
April took it's own sweet time, which it tends to do, but I found ways to keep from sleeping. I worked my magic with our bag drive, and promoted National Foster Care Month like you wouldn't believe. And then, out of nowhere, I turned 21.
I imagined this birthday would be different. I thought I would be with my sister, but we haven't been speaking, so when she called we only talked for a couple of minutes. May first was on a Friday, so we celebrated on the Thursday before, and Thursdays are usually packed with the UCF dinner and then, of course, Greys Anatomy and Private Practice. Naturally, it's a bunch of girls, and we have found that Saif's apartment is quite a nice place to watch. We did, and then for about an hour we were on facebook and then doing make up and taking tequila shots out of Saif's arabic tea cups. Around 12:30, we went to Jamisons so I could get carded for the first time. I called the lady a Nazi... Then, this guy who didn't even know us threw down thirty dollars to buy us all shots. After that, I know we went to the Horsehead because my friend works there and I literally drank a sweet tart. I'm pretty sure after that we went to John Henry's and the rest is fuzzy. It's never happening again.
On Friday, I went with UCF to the beach and brought some foster care awareness projects. I was so tired all day though and I was getting upset over small things. It got to the point where everyone was annoying me and I asked Saif to come get me today. He took forever, but I was happy to come back. I felt so overwhelmed with everything, but I got really upset and asked Saif to come pick me up. I still can't believe he actually came!
All in all, it was a discouraging way to start out the most important month of the year, but in the end it was worth it.
This is one such chance. Saif is playing video games and I'm rather content on the computer doing absolutely nothing productive. All my midterms were rescheduled for this week: philanthropy on Wednesday, racial politics on Thursday, and astronomy on Friday. I won't even go to class on Monday- I haven't gone to school on Mondays or Fridays since the term started. Instead, I work on OFYC and National Foster Care Month. So everyone better care, because I worked hard for this.
I made president for OFYC in March. I really wanted it, but I fear that it will be like in high school when I made captain of the soccer team (I didn't really work for that one, it just kind of happened to me). When I get a leadership position, I tend to relax a little and don't put much effort into it. I feel like maybe it's because I'm in the mindset that I made it the top so there is nowhere else to go but down, but I don't want to go down. I was the worst team captain ever- I don't know what that coach was thinking. But, not only do I not want to let the OFYC members down, but I care a lot about foster care policy and I only have one year to make a huge difference through OFYC (unless I run for chair again and get it).
April took it's own sweet time, which it tends to do, but I found ways to keep from sleeping. I worked my magic with our bag drive, and promoted National Foster Care Month like you wouldn't believe. And then, out of nowhere, I turned 21.
I imagined this birthday would be different. I thought I would be with my sister, but we haven't been speaking, so when she called we only talked for a couple of minutes. May first was on a Friday, so we celebrated on the Thursday before, and Thursdays are usually packed with the UCF dinner and then, of course, Greys Anatomy and Private Practice. Naturally, it's a bunch of girls, and we have found that Saif's apartment is quite a nice place to watch. We did, and then for about an hour we were on facebook and then doing make up and taking tequila shots out of Saif's arabic tea cups. Around 12:30, we went to Jamisons so I could get carded for the first time. I called the lady a Nazi... Then, this guy who didn't even know us threw down thirty dollars to buy us all shots. After that, I know we went to the Horsehead because my friend works there and I literally drank a sweet tart. I'm pretty sure after that we went to John Henry's and the rest is fuzzy. It's never happening again.
On Friday, I went with UCF to the beach and brought some foster care awareness projects. I was so tired all day though and I was getting upset over small things. It got to the point where everyone was annoying me and I asked Saif to come get me today. He took forever, but I was happy to come back. I felt so overwhelmed with everything, but I got really upset and asked Saif to come pick me up. I still can't believe he actually came!
All in all, it was a discouraging way to start out the most important month of the year, but in the end it was worth it.
2.25.2009
Sitting for a week eight midterm. Wait... what?
But I'm as ready as I'll ever be, I guess. It's over Asian politics; more specifically its covering China's development, rural politics in SE Asia, Islam in Indonesia and other roles of religion in the area. I used to live with Indonesians, but I don't think knowing random phrases in Indo will help me too much here. My midterm is in a half hour, and I am so tired of studying.
I organize study groups for my classes. My history class has roughly two hundred people in it. Five showed up for the study group. International Organizations has about one hundred people. Five people showed up for theirs. Asian politics has about thirty or forty people in it. Sixteen show up. The second night- four. Someone has it in for me...
And that all took three whole minutes to type.
I'm trying to think of what is going on in my life that doesn't involve certain people. I don't want to write about anyone specific in here for fear they will read and be offended. Lord knows I can offend people very easily... but I like to be there to see their reaction. So there is no use in doing it here.
Someone around me smells like Abercrombie and I love it. I'm in the EMU and I'd go on facebook to pass the time but I gave it up for lent so I can't go on until Easter. I've been here for two and a half hours. I could also find the CRNs for registration tomorrow morning. I am taking Writing, some astronomy class, a Supreme Court class, golf, and a PPPM or a pre law class- I haven't decided yet. The first two are freshmen classes to finish my blocks and the others are graduate classes.
I'm adding PPPM as another major. I figure since I have to be in school to get my GPA back up from mono then I should just add more majors. Besides, it would be smarter for me to major in public policy because it has everything to do with what I want to do with my life: foster care policy.
I wonder, though, how far I can go after I finish with foster care policy. I don't think it will take my entire life to nationalize the policy, and maybe I'll work toward working for UNICEF (if I'm not bored already, that is). I know I bore easily and nearing the end of foster care policy, I'll want to be the president or something. Obviously I can't make plans right now but it's still kind of fun.
Okay, it's twenty minutes early but I'm going to go anyway.
2.01.2009
A Pin-Pal-esque Letter
It’s been over ten years since you’ve touched a bomb. I plan on contacting your warden. I’d like to get you a weekend furlough. My mom wants to trim your beard. I need help with my math homework. There’s an extra mattress in the basement. Just two house rules: 1) You can’t go anywhere near the mailbox; 2) You have to wear a straitjacket.
I think you’d have quite a reaction to my neighborhood. Everyone here has a monstrous satellite dish. There’s about a dozen or so family rooms within binocular range of my house. I’ve peeped a number of times, with no perverse motives mind you, just pure neurotic curiosity. Weekend or weeknight, the neighbors’ televisions are on, and families sit there like turnips, soaking in the artificial light. Only once can I recall catching someone in the act of reading, and even at that I suspect it was a TV Guide. I can picture you surveying this scene with eyebrows furrowed in contempt, as mind after mind sags into inertia before the “idiot box” – that great bastard of modern technology.
There was no TV in your rural Montana cabin – you found amusement in other ways. I heard that your place was home to an extensive collection of reading material. However, very little has been said of your library. I sometimes wonder what was on those mysterious shelves, yet any such conjecture only leads me to frustration. With its nature-worship and grim outlook at an increasingly modern society, Walden Pond is a logical guess, almost too logical a guess for such a puzzling character as yourself. How ‘bout some obscure math books – works coherent to only one in a million, involving such topics as speculative fractal boundary functions? Or am I holding you in too high a regard? Perhaps your shelves were simply stuffed with smut mags like a common backwoods misfit. But I doubt that. Rather, I fancy there was some true literature occupying those shelves – reasons being: 1) Your intellect demanded sustenance*; 2) You quite possibly had the most amount of free time of anyone in the history of the world – even prison inmates, by comparison, have more to do, be it watching their backs or planning the next appeal. With no burdensome jobs, women, or friends to hold you back, the world was your pissing ground.
I, myself, have quite a bit of free time, which is why I’m thinking of you – at least it’s a step up from gazing at television all day. My buddy, Drew, watches everything from arena football reruns to World Series Fly Fishing. He can tolerate most any program except the news, which he dismisses as “worthless.” Although I hesitate to credit him with wisdom, there may be a sad bit of truth to what he says. You always maintained that too much technology devalues human life. As my friend sits before another episode of Prime Time Poker, I nod in grim understanding.
I don’t want to give the impression that my friend is wasting his entire life – he shows occasional signs of ambition. This past week he was on the internet six hours a day, conducting in-depth research on mail-order brides. He showed me one potential wife who in particular caught his fancy – I’ll admit she had a lot to offer: barely 19, 5’4”, 110, cute babysitter face, spoke hardly any English. I almost felt like sabotaging his matrimonial endeavors out of sheer envy. But such emotion proved unneeded, for we soon learned that these mail-order bride deals are often criminal enterprises and, far worse, that the product delivered (if delivered at all) is likely not up to snuff with the advertisement. Although my friend’s efforts were ultimately in vain, I consider them a moral victory. They show that he has not been completely drained of motivation to better himself. Also, I cautiously point out to you that the technology of the internet facilitated this recent noble pursuit.
Can technology really be all that bad? I’m engaged to a girl I met through an internet-dating site. And though my uncontrollable obsession with you is a constant strain on our romance, she’s got a first-rate ass, and we never would’ve met if it weren’t for modern technology. In fact, if not for the internet, I wouldn’t have had a girlfriend in my life, except for Jessica, who practically castrated me with her buckteeth. So, in a way, I’m kind of glad your anti-technology crusade is done, and that you’re in jail forever.
I hope you rot.
-Ray Cavanaugh
*I heard your IQ is 179.
(From Adbusters #74, Nov-Dec 2007)
Brisker Pipes than Poetry
"Terence, this is stupid stuff:
You eat your victuals fast enough;
There can't be much amiss, 'tis clear,
To see the rate you drink your beer.
But oh, good Lord, the verse you make,
It gives a chap the belly-ache.
The cow, the old cow, she is dead;
It sleeps well, the horned head:
We poor lads, 'tis our turn now
To hear such tunes as killed the cow.
Pretty friendship 'tis to rhyme
Your friends to death before their time
Moping melancholy mad:
Come, pipe a tune to dance to, lad."
Why, if 'tis dancing you would be
There's brisker pipes than poetry.
Say, for what were hop-yards meant,
Or why was Burton built on Trent?
Oh, many a peer of England brews
Livelier liquor than the Muse,
And malt does more than Milton can
To justify God's ways to man.
Ale, man, ale's the stuff to drink
For fellows whom it hurts to think:
Look into the pewter pot
To see the world as the world's not.
And faith, 'tis pleasant till 'tis past:
The mischief is that 'twill not last.
Oh I have been to Ludlow fair
And left my necktie god knows where,
And carried half-way home, or near,
Pints and quarts of Ludlow beer:
Then the world seemed none so bad,
And I myself a sterling lad;
And down in lovely muck I've lain,
Happy till I woke again.
Then I saw the morning sky:
Heigho, the tale was all a lie;
The world, it was the old world yet,
I was I, my things were wet,
And nothing now remained to do
But begin the game anew.
Therefore, since the world has still
Much good, but much less good than ill,
And while the sun and moon endure
Luck's a chance, but trouble's sure,
I'd face it as a wise man would,
And train for ill and not for good.
'Tis true, the stuff I bring for sale
Is not so brisk a brew as ale:
Out of a stem that scored the hand
I wrung it in a weary land.
But take it: if the smack is sour,
The better for the embittered hour;
It should do good to heart and head
When your soul is in my soul's stead;
And I will friend you, if I may,
In the dark and cloudy day.
There was a king reigned in the East:
There, when kings will sit to feast,
They get their fill before they think
With poisoned meat and poisoned drink.
He gathered all that springs to birth
From the many-venomed earth;
First a little, thence to more,
He sampled all her killing store;
And easy, smiling, seasoned sound,
Sate the king when healths went round.
They put arsenic in his meat
And stared aghast to watch him eat;
They poured strychnine in his cup
And shook to see him drink it up:
They shook, they stared as white's their shirt:
Them it was their poison hurt
- I tell the tale that I heard told.
Mithridates, he died old.
The 25
I was tagged in a Facebook note where you have to write 25 things about yourself and tag 25 other people. My biggest issue was finding 25 people to tag. 25. 25. 25. They aren't too important, but you can read it, too.
1. My team always wins.
2. I make Kristina's salsa without Breeze's help now. She will find out when she reads this.
3. I ask questions, and I don't care if they make you uncomfortable.
4. Sometimes I forget about huge parts of my life since they are so irrelevant and distant. It's not that they are secret, or that I'm even good at keeping any- I just forgot about it.
5. One of my favorite things to do is to make people feel like idiots. Deziree did this to me.
6. I would love to be a dirty politician. I want to go down in history for something that changed the lives of millions, and I want to do it in every illegal way possible.
7. I would love to call my dad from the police station to come bail me out for doing something completely ridiculous. Not to embarrass him- something that he'll try to hold in a laugh when people ask why I was arrested.
8. If I didn't live in a big house- the residence kind- I probably wouldn't have any friends.
9. My relationship with God is completely erroneous yet wildly attractive. He treats me like a stupid blond, and I yell at Him like we have had an off/on relationship for years. I wouldn't trade it for anything- I love it. We don't like each other very much; we love each other because we have to. He never agrees with me and He gets what He wants so I can only disobey for so long. I can be mad at Him and I can say I don't like Him. I know what He has done for me, but this is my relationship so you can't judge me and I won't like you very much if you do.
10. My relationship with my Dad is getting better and better. Sometimes, he texts me from the living room when I am in the dining room- responding to a text from earlier that day about meeting up for coffee. Our coffee outings are rare, but I cling to every second. Sometimes I feel like we are complete strangers because we never really had a chance to get to know each other, but then I think to myself that we never needed that chance. Our friendship is so intimate that we don't have to talk about the past or about each other- we just figure it out as we go along. He is the kind of person who, every time you talk, you feel like you share a secret from the rest of the world. There are so many small things about him that I notice and think to myself that I might want that characteristic. I want people to feel that way when I talk to them...
11. The closest I've ever gotten with anyone and ever will get with anyone is with Bethany. She knows all about me and likes me anyway. Guaranteed, if she posts 25 things, I already know those 25 things. My favorite moments with her are when it's just us two in the car. We get the best conversations in then. We should never give each other advice though. It never has worked out. I have absolutely no idea where I would be if it wasn't for her. I get really upset and hostile when I haven't seen her after about three months. I usually end up picking a fight with my mom because of it. She is the kind of person who, after you have gone so long with no contact, you wonder what's missing in your life. Kind of like forgetting the name of a movie a line came from.
12. I miss living with Rony, Vania, and Adelle so much. We had a blast last year.
13. My problem with marriage is that I feel like the game is really over. It seems that, because you have to share your life with someone else, all your dreams are done for. So everything I want to accomplish in life, I feel like I have to get it all done before I marry or else I'll never get to do it. I don't want to marry so I can get help paying off my school loans or so I won't be lonely. I'll marry someone who excites me and I want to marry so I can be a foster mom. But I have so much time so dating and relationships just aren't priority right now.
14. I believe OCD is bull. Depression, too. Do not do not do not come to me with depression. Oh my gosh I get so mad- probably because there are so many people who have so much to be depressed about and they maybe were for like a day but decided they didn't want to live like that. Why would you want to live like that? For the attention? Please. I don't cater to that- I don't sympathize. The most I'll do is buy you chocolate and even that is an attempt to get you to stop talking to me.
15. I hate people who argue politics and don't know what they are talking about. I'm not claiming to know all about politics, and when I don't know then I can it and listen. And I hate it when people complain about the country but don't vote, lobby, or do anything about it. You don't like something then do something about it. Don't tell me the electoral college is crap. It's there to keep people like you from voting. Don't tell me welfare systems are useless. Do you want your mail, your drivers license, your food stamps, your gas mileage reimbursed, your tax returns?
16. I'm not an angry person, although I seem like it right now. I do enjoy some things, but they are the small things. I enjoy reading my coffee cups and I love getting up early and jogging in the park when the sun comes up and I LOVE dancing in the park basketball court to music only I can hear and people watch me. I enjoy pretending not to notice people I know when I walk on campus and I love working on huge projects with researchers on Saturdays when the sun is going down.
17. We spent over $100 on junk food last Friday.
18. Cilantro is amazing. I could put it on anything.
19. My first summer at Disneyland with Breeze and Deziree was the best time of my life. I never had so much fun for so long.
20. This summer will be an equally exciting summer. I have so many options ranging from working on the Disney cruise liner, a trip to Europe, traveling all over America giving presentations to working on public policy on Capitol Hill.
21. Brian Alex Stewart is the most interesting person I have ever met.
22. I am not the type of person who wants you to feel like you can trust me with your secrets. I'm not saying that you can't trust me with your secrets or what not, but I want to know all about you because I want to figure you out and I think your secrets and your life experiences and how you are when you are alone is what is interesting. I may or may not mention your life in my conversations with other people if it is relevant but my asking you about your life is because I truly want to know- it's not an attempt to make you feel like you have a close friend. That sounds mean but it's the only word order I know.
23. I love a challenge. Law school will be a challenge which is why I'm going. If you don't think I can do it, I'll go for it. I love challenging people, challenging projects, challenging classes. I will revolve my life around anything that is difficult.
24. I don't fear change. I expect it because nothing ever stays the same and I am disappointed when something changes that I wasn't expecting. My life changes so much, I have no idea where I'll be in five months. I could be anywhere. I could be in Costa Rica tanning on the beach drinking a pina colada with The Unmentionable. Or I could be at the White House eating dinner with the president and his family. I could be on a liner in a white dress hosting a show. Anywhere. ANYWHERE. That is what excites me about my life.
25. I generally like everyone. I may hate that you are depressed or the things you have done or the way you crossed me back in the day or that you are so stupid or that you are smarter than me or whatever but there might be something you said that caught my attention or we might have something in common- just that one little thing that caught my attention and I cling to it and that one little thing changes everything. Everything.
2. I make Kristina's salsa without Breeze's help now. She will find out when she reads this.
3. I ask questions, and I don't care if they make you uncomfortable.
4. Sometimes I forget about huge parts of my life since they are so irrelevant and distant. It's not that they are secret, or that I'm even good at keeping any- I just forgot about it.
5. One of my favorite things to do is to make people feel like idiots. Deziree did this to me.
6. I would love to be a dirty politician. I want to go down in history for something that changed the lives of millions, and I want to do it in every illegal way possible.
7. I would love to call my dad from the police station to come bail me out for doing something completely ridiculous. Not to embarrass him- something that he'll try to hold in a laugh when people ask why I was arrested.
8. If I didn't live in a big house- the residence kind- I probably wouldn't have any friends.
9. My relationship with God is completely erroneous yet wildly attractive. He treats me like a stupid blond, and I yell at Him like we have had an off/on relationship for years. I wouldn't trade it for anything- I love it. We don't like each other very much; we love each other because we have to. He never agrees with me and He gets what He wants so I can only disobey for so long. I can be mad at Him and I can say I don't like Him. I know what He has done for me, but this is my relationship so you can't judge me and I won't like you very much if you do.
10. My relationship with my Dad is getting better and better. Sometimes, he texts me from the living room when I am in the dining room- responding to a text from earlier that day about meeting up for coffee. Our coffee outings are rare, but I cling to every second. Sometimes I feel like we are complete strangers because we never really had a chance to get to know each other, but then I think to myself that we never needed that chance. Our friendship is so intimate that we don't have to talk about the past or about each other- we just figure it out as we go along. He is the kind of person who, every time you talk, you feel like you share a secret from the rest of the world. There are so many small things about him that I notice and think to myself that I might want that characteristic. I want people to feel that way when I talk to them...
11. The closest I've ever gotten with anyone and ever will get with anyone is with Bethany. She knows all about me and likes me anyway. Guaranteed, if she posts 25 things, I already know those 25 things. My favorite moments with her are when it's just us two in the car. We get the best conversations in then. We should never give each other advice though. It never has worked out. I have absolutely no idea where I would be if it wasn't for her. I get really upset and hostile when I haven't seen her after about three months. I usually end up picking a fight with my mom because of it. She is the kind of person who, after you have gone so long with no contact, you wonder what's missing in your life. Kind of like forgetting the name of a movie a line came from.
12. I miss living with Rony, Vania, and Adelle so much. We had a blast last year.
13. My problem with marriage is that I feel like the game is really over. It seems that, because you have to share your life with someone else, all your dreams are done for. So everything I want to accomplish in life, I feel like I have to get it all done before I marry or else I'll never get to do it. I don't want to marry so I can get help paying off my school loans or so I won't be lonely. I'll marry someone who excites me and I want to marry so I can be a foster mom. But I have so much time so dating and relationships just aren't priority right now.
14. I believe OCD is bull. Depression, too. Do not do not do not come to me with depression. Oh my gosh I get so mad- probably because there are so many people who have so much to be depressed about and they maybe were for like a day but decided they didn't want to live like that. Why would you want to live like that? For the attention? Please. I don't cater to that- I don't sympathize. The most I'll do is buy you chocolate and even that is an attempt to get you to stop talking to me.
15. I hate people who argue politics and don't know what they are talking about. I'm not claiming to know all about politics, and when I don't know then I can it and listen. And I hate it when people complain about the country but don't vote, lobby, or do anything about it. You don't like something then do something about it. Don't tell me the electoral college is crap. It's there to keep people like you from voting. Don't tell me welfare systems are useless. Do you want your mail, your drivers license, your food stamps, your gas mileage reimbursed, your tax returns?
16. I'm not an angry person, although I seem like it right now. I do enjoy some things, but they are the small things. I enjoy reading my coffee cups and I love getting up early and jogging in the park when the sun comes up and I LOVE dancing in the park basketball court to music only I can hear and people watch me. I enjoy pretending not to notice people I know when I walk on campus and I love working on huge projects with researchers on Saturdays when the sun is going down.
17. We spent over $100 on junk food last Friday.
18. Cilantro is amazing. I could put it on anything.
19. My first summer at Disneyland with Breeze and Deziree was the best time of my life. I never had so much fun for so long.
20. This summer will be an equally exciting summer. I have so many options ranging from working on the Disney cruise liner, a trip to Europe, traveling all over America giving presentations to working on public policy on Capitol Hill.
21. Brian Alex Stewart is the most interesting person I have ever met.
22. I am not the type of person who wants you to feel like you can trust me with your secrets. I'm not saying that you can't trust me with your secrets or what not, but I want to know all about you because I want to figure you out and I think your secrets and your life experiences and how you are when you are alone is what is interesting. I may or may not mention your life in my conversations with other people if it is relevant but my asking you about your life is because I truly want to know- it's not an attempt to make you feel like you have a close friend. That sounds mean but it's the only word order I know.
23. I love a challenge. Law school will be a challenge which is why I'm going. If you don't think I can do it, I'll go for it. I love challenging people, challenging projects, challenging classes. I will revolve my life around anything that is difficult.
24. I don't fear change. I expect it because nothing ever stays the same and I am disappointed when something changes that I wasn't expecting. My life changes so much, I have no idea where I'll be in five months. I could be anywhere. I could be in Costa Rica tanning on the beach drinking a pina colada with The Unmentionable. Or I could be at the White House eating dinner with the president and his family. I could be on a liner in a white dress hosting a show. Anywhere. ANYWHERE. That is what excites me about my life.
25. I generally like everyone. I may hate that you are depressed or the things you have done or the way you crossed me back in the day or that you are so stupid or that you are smarter than me or whatever but there might be something you said that caught my attention or we might have something in common- just that one little thing that caught my attention and I cling to it and that one little thing changes everything. Everything.
Hillary and the Invisible Woman
This is a 1,760 word article from Newsweek about Hilary Clinton's campaign. Of those 1,760 words, I have never heard of thirteen of them. Because of this, I have no idea what the article is arguing. For your infotainment, here are the thirteen words:
Bathysphere. A strongly built steel diving sphere for deep-sea observation. (This really is related to politics, I swear!)
Conviviality. Relating to, occupied with, or fond of feasting, drinking, and good company.
Coterie. An intimate and often exclusive group of persons with a unifying common interest or purpose.
Huma Abedin, a.k.a. "The Body Person." Hilary Clinton's stylist.
Defenestrate. A usually swift dismissal or expulsion (as from a political party or office).
"Cheek by jowl." Side by side.
Exhortatory. To incite by argument or advice; urge strongly.
Kevlar. A brand of clothing usually catering to militia but also to hunters and motorcyclists.
Stop staring!
Indefatigable. Incapable of being fatigued.
Buttonholed. To detain in conversation by or as if by holding on to the outer garments of.
Beleaguered. To press with requests; to cause worry or distress to.
Misogyny. A hatred of women.
Insouciant. Lighthearted unconcern.
So here's a challenge: use all of the words in one week either in a paper or in normal conversation- or even in an email. It'll be fun- and people will think you are really smart.
1.19.2009
What I Should Already Know:
There are some words and phrases that pop up all the time in my readings that I recognize, but if someone were to ask me what the meaning is, I'd make something up that makes sense just because I'm not sure I know what it means... I can use these words in a sentence and it sounds like it works, but who knows if I actually know what I'm talking about. Like tax evasion. What is tax evasion anyway?
I used this method in math class all through high school. When it got confusing, I made my own math and if I got a decent answer, I'd leave it. I hate when people ask why they need math. It works the part of your brain that you use in problem solving- and not the problem solving when you are in a grocery store calculating the exact price of one roll of toilet paper. Math helps you break laws and conspire against superiors. Well, it helps me do that. For some, it strengthens their efficiency and for others, it strengthens their mischievous tendencies.
I should really know what tax evasion is.
1.18.2009
On the Washington Post and Politics
This is what I read today: History teaches that when religion is injected into politics- the Crusades, Henry VIII, Salem, Father Coughlin, Hitler, Kosovo- disaster follows." Isn't that an interesting way to look at the world? The New York Times is presenting the world with this point of view, which is convincing enough to recruit future democrats. The world will still operate under democratic majority, but perhaps ignorance to republican ideas plays a role in these articles.
When Nos is More Important...
By the twentieth, I have to read two chapters in my International Organizations book, seven chapters in my Politics of Global Governance book, a couple articles in my China workbook, 53 pages in Modern China, 146 pages on Beijing, read Bound Feet and Western Dress- the whole book (215 pages), three chapters in a book on East Asia, a thirty page article on prostitution in Japan, another thirty page article on something that has to do with Asian politics, 80 pages from The Emergence of Southeast Asia, a chapter about the beginnings of the printing press, three chapters from Media Power in Politics, two chapters from News: the Politics of Illusion, two chapters by someone with the last name Coulter, fill out my scholarship packets, sell books on Amazon.com, fill out my tax forms and prepare for the meeting which is... today. I finished the budget forms which, for some reason, takes hours of my life away when it really shouldn't. If this all gets done on time, I can watch the inauguration at ease.
1.16.2009
Twenty Nine Minutes
... Now it's twenty six.
Let's start with the basics. I ask questions. It's not like I sit directly in front of the teacher and ask about the details on the beatings of victims of the Balkan Wars; I'm the menace in the back of the class accusing the quiet ones of being a Serb communist. The questions I ask are about you. Your life interests me; the mystery is what captivates me. Sometimes, I know the answer to the question I ask; I pose it anyway in effort to see if you lie, or just to confirm my suspicions. And your comfort zones are of no importance in my consideration of phrasing a question- because I have no consideration when asking. I want to know, so I ask.
Part of this eagerness to learn is derived from a lifetime of secrets I never knew existed, and it results in an excitement for the possibilities of my life. I feel like I can do anything- and there is a consensual agreement that I really can. There are so many things I want to do, and this leads to an unstable "plan"- I don't think it can be called a plan since it keeps changing... My parents hate that. I'm notorious for changing my dreams, and the joke that tails along has a negative connotation. I don't know why it's seen as a bad thing. Why would I want to chase something that doesn't excite me?
But then again, everything excites me. Perhaps I'm blinded by the idea of a new challenge or a different road, or maybe I just instinctively know that somehow, even the most boring things can somehow be fun. This, I learned from my sister. So in six months, when my parents roll their eyes after I tell them I'm dropping law school to become a marine biologist in the East China Sea, I can just blame Bethany since it's obviously her fault that I thought it looked like a good time.
In the end though, when I am looking back on all that I have done, I want to be looking at thousands and thousands of people who, after only my legacy is left in the world, when my name is mentioned, they say, "Oh Jamie Hinsz- yes. She changed my life." With anything I decide to do, I want it to mean something and I want it to make a difference. I want to look at something amazing and say to myself I did this. And I want you to be a part of it.
Dinner time.
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