Twenty Nine Minutes

Now it's twenty eight.

... Now it's twenty six.

Let's start with the basics. I ask questions. It's not like I sit directly in front of the teacher and ask about the details on the beatings of victims of the Balkan Wars; I'm the menace in the back of the class accusing the quiet ones of being a Serb communist. The questions I ask are about you. Your life interests me; the mystery is what captivates me. Sometimes, I know the answer to the question I ask; I pose it anyway in effort to see if you lie, or just to confirm my suspicions. And your comfort zones are of no importance in my consideration of phrasing a question- because I have no consideration when asking. I want to know, so I ask. 

Part of this eagerness to learn is derived from a lifetime of secrets I never knew existed, and it results in an excitement for the possibilities of my life. I feel like I can do anything- and there is a consensual agreement that I really can. There are so many things I want to do, and this leads to an unstable "plan"- I don't think it can be called a plan since it keeps changing... My parents hate that. I'm notorious for changing my dreams, and the joke that tails along has a negative connotation. I don't know why it's seen as a bad thing. Why would I want to chase something that doesn't excite me? 

But then again, everything excites me. Perhaps I'm blinded by the idea of a new challenge or a different road, or maybe I just instinctively know that somehow, even the most boring things can somehow be fun. This, I learned from my sister. So in six months, when my parents roll their eyes after I tell them I'm dropping law school to become a marine biologist in the East China Sea, I can just blame Bethany since it's obviously her fault that I thought it looked like a good time. 

In the end though, when I am looking back on all that I have done, I want to be looking at thousands and thousands of people who, after only my legacy is left in the world, when my name is mentioned, they say, "Oh Jamie Hinsz- yes. She changed my life."  With anything I decide to do, I want it to mean something and I want it to make a difference. I want to look at something amazing and say to myself I did this. And I want you to be a part of it. 

Dinner time.