Sitting for a week eight midterm. Wait... what?

There are ten weeks in a term. MIDterms should come during week five, not week eight. Something is severely wrong with this class...

But I'm as ready as I'll ever be, I guess. It's over Asian politics; more specifically its covering China's development, rural politics in SE Asia, Islam in Indonesia and other roles of religion in the area. I used to live with Indonesians, but I don't think knowing random phrases in Indo will help me too much here. My midterm is in a half hour, and I am so tired of studying.

I organize study groups for my classes. My history class has roughly two hundred people in it. Five showed up for the study group. International Organizations has about one hundred people. Five people showed up for theirs. Asian politics has about thirty or forty people in it. Sixteen show up. The second night- four. Someone has it in for me...

And that all took three whole minutes to type.

I'm trying to think of what is going on in my life that doesn't involve certain people. I don't want to write about anyone specific in here for fear they will read and be offended. Lord knows I can offend people very easily... but I like to be there to see their reaction. So there is no use in doing it here.

Someone around me smells like Abercrombie and I love it. I'm in the EMU and I'd go on facebook to pass the time but I gave it up for lent so I can't go on until Easter. I've been here for two and a half hours. I could also find the CRNs for registration tomorrow morning. I am taking Writing, some astronomy class, a Supreme Court class, golf, and a PPPM or a pre law class- I haven't decided yet. The first two are freshmen classes to finish my blocks and the others are graduate classes.

I'm adding PPPM as another major. I figure since I have to be in school to get my GPA back up from mono then I should just add more majors. Besides, it would be smarter for me to major in public policy because it has everything to do with what I want to do with my life: foster care policy.

I wonder, though, how far I can go after I finish with foster care policy. I don't think it will take my entire life to nationalize the policy, and maybe I'll work toward working for UNICEF (if I'm not bored already, that is). I know I bore easily and nearing the end of foster care policy, I'll want to be the president or something. Obviously I can't make plans right now but it's still kind of fun.

Okay, it's twenty minutes early but I'm going to go anyway.

A Pin-Pal-esque Letter

Dear Mr. Unabomber

It’s been over ten years since you’ve touched a bomb. I plan on contacting your warden. I’d like to get you a weekend furlough. My mom wants to trim your beard. I need help with my math homework. There’s an extra mattress in the basement. Just two house rules: 1) You can’t go anywhere near the mailbox; 2) You have to wear a straitjacket.

I think you’d have quite a reaction to my neighborhood. Everyone here has a monstrous satellite dish. There’s about a dozen or so family rooms within binocular range of my house. I’ve peeped a number of times, with no perverse motives mind you, just pure neurotic curiosity. Weekend or weeknight, the neighbors’ televisions are on, and families sit there like turnips, soaking in the artificial light. Only once can I recall catching someone in the act of reading, and even at that I suspect it was a TV Guide. I can picture you surveying this scene with eyebrows furrowed in contempt, as mind after mind sags into inertia before the “idiot box” – that great bastard of modern technology.

There was no TV in your rural Montana cabin – you found amusement in other ways. I heard that your place was home to an extensive collection of reading material. However, very little has been said of your library. I sometimes wonder what was on those mysterious shelves, yet any such conjecture only leads me to frustration. With its nature-worship and grim outlook at an increasingly modern society, Walden Pond is a logical guess, almost too logical a guess for such a puzzling character as yourself. How ‘bout some obscure math books – works coherent to only one in a million, involving such topics as speculative fractal boundary functions? Or am I holding you in too high a regard? Perhaps your shelves were simply stuffed with smut mags like a common backwoods misfit. But I doubt that. Rather, I fancy there was some true literature occupying those shelves – reasons being: 1) Your intellect demanded sustenance*; 2) You quite possibly had the most amount of free time of anyone in the history of the world – even prison inmates, by comparison, have more to do, be it watching their backs or planning the next appeal. With no burdensome jobs, women, or friends to hold you back, the world was your pissing ground.

I, myself, have quite a bit of free time, which is why I’m thinking of you – at least it’s a step up from gazing at television all day. My buddy, Drew, watches everything from arena football reruns to World Series Fly Fishing. He can tolerate most any program except the news, which he dismisses as “worthless.” Although I hesitate to credit him with wisdom, there may be a sad bit of truth to what he says. You always maintained that too much technology devalues human life. As my friend sits before another episode of Prime Time Poker, I nod in grim understanding.

I don’t want to give the impression that my friend is wasting his entire life – he shows occasional signs of ambition. This past week he was on the internet six hours a day, conducting in-depth research on mail-order brides. He showed me one potential wife who in particular caught his fancy – I’ll admit she had a lot to offer: barely 19, 5’4”, 110, cute babysitter face, spoke hardly any English. I almost felt like sabotaging his matrimonial endeavors out of sheer envy. But such emotion proved unneeded, for we soon learned that these mail-order bride deals are often criminal enterprises and, far worse, that the product delivered (if delivered at all) is likely not up to snuff with the advertisement. Although my friend’s efforts were ultimately in vain, I consider them a moral victory. They show that he has not been completely drained of motivation to better himself. Also, I cautiously point out to you that the technology of the internet facilitated this recent noble pursuit.

Can technology really be all that bad? I’m engaged to a girl I met through an internet-dating site. And though my uncontrollable obsession with you is a constant strain on our romance, she’s got a first-rate ass, and we never would’ve met if it weren’t for modern technology. In fact, if not for the internet, I wouldn’t have had a girlfriend in my life, except for Jessica, who practically castrated me with her buckteeth. So, in a way, I’m kind of glad your anti-technology crusade is done, and that you’re in jail forever.

I hope you rot.

-Ray Cavanaugh

*I heard your IQ is 179.

(From Adbusters #74, Nov-Dec 2007)

Brisker Pipes than Poetry

"Terence, this is stupid stuff:

You eat your victuals fast enough;

There can't be much amiss, 'tis clear,

To see the rate you drink your beer.

But oh, good Lord, the verse you make,

It gives a chap the belly-ache.

The cow, the old cow, she is dead;

It sleeps well, the horned head:

We poor lads, 'tis our turn now

To hear such tunes as killed the cow.

Pretty friendship 'tis to rhyme

Your friends to death before their time

Moping melancholy mad:

Come, pipe a tune to dance to, lad."

Why, if 'tis dancing you would be

There's brisker pipes than poetry.

Say, for what were hop-yards meant,

Or why was Burton built on Trent?

Oh, many a peer of England brews

Livelier liquor than the Muse,

And malt does more than Milton can

To justify God's ways to man.

Ale, man, ale's the stuff to drink

For fellows whom it hurts to think:

Look into the pewter pot

To see the world as the world's not.

And faith, 'tis pleasant till 'tis past:

The mischief is that 'twill not last.

Oh I have been to Ludlow fair

And left my necktie god knows where,

And carried half-way home, or near,

Pints and quarts of Ludlow beer:

Then the world seemed none so bad,

And I myself a sterling lad;

And down in lovely muck I've lain,

Happy till I woke again.

Then I saw the morning sky:

Heigho, the tale was all a lie;

The world, it was the old world yet,

I was I, my things were wet,

And nothing now remained to do

But begin the game anew.

Therefore, since the world has still

Much good, but much less good than ill,

And while the sun and moon endure

Luck's a chance, but trouble's sure,

I'd face it as a wise man would,

And train for ill and not for good.

'Tis true, the stuff I bring for sale

Is not so brisk a brew as ale:

Out of a stem that scored the hand

I wrung it in a weary land.

But take it: if the smack is sour,

The better for the embittered hour;

It should do good to heart and head

When your soul is in my soul's stead;

And I will friend you, if I may,

In the dark and cloudy day.

There was a king reigned in the East:

There, when kings will sit to feast,

They get their fill before they think

With poisoned meat and poisoned drink.

He gathered all that springs to birth

From the many-venomed earth;

First a little, thence to more,

He sampled all her killing store;

And easy, smiling, seasoned sound,

Sate the king when healths went round.

They put arsenic in his meat

And stared aghast to watch him eat;

They poured strychnine in his cup

And shook to see him drink it up:

They shook, they stared as white's their shirt:

Them it was their poison hurt

- I tell the tale that I heard told.

Mithridates, he died old.

The 25

I was tagged in a Facebook note where you have to write 25 things about yourself and tag 25 other people. My biggest issue was finding 25 people to tag. 25. 25. 25. They aren't too important, but you can read it, too.

1. My team always wins.

2. I make Kristina's salsa without Breeze's help now. She will find out when she reads this.

3. I ask questions, and I don't care if they make you uncomfortable. 

4. Sometimes I forget about huge parts of my life since they are so irrelevant and distant. It's not that they are secret, or that I'm even good at keeping any- I just forgot about it.

5. One of my favorite things to do is to make people feel like idiots. Deziree did this to me. 

6. I would love to be a dirty politician. I want to go down in history for something that changed the lives of millions, and I want to do it in every illegal way possible. 

7. I would love to call my dad from the police station to come bail me out for doing something completely ridiculous. Not to embarrass him- something that he'll try to hold in a laugh when people ask why I was arrested. 

8. If I didn't live in a big house- the residence kind- I probably wouldn't have any friends.

9. My relationship with God is completely erroneous yet wildly attractive. He treats me like a stupid blond, and I yell at Him like we have had an off/on relationship for years. I wouldn't trade it for anything- I love it. We don't like each other very much; we love each other because we have to. He never agrees with me and He gets what He wants so I can only disobey for so long. I can be mad at Him and I can say I don't like Him. I know what He has done for me, but this is my relationship so you can't judge me and I won't like you very much if you do.

10. My relationship with my Dad is getting better and better. Sometimes, he texts me from the living room when I am in the dining room- responding to a text from earlier that day about meeting up for coffee. Our coffee outings are rare, but I cling to every second. Sometimes I feel like we are complete strangers because we never really had a chance to get to know each other, but then I think to myself that we never needed that chance. Our friendship is so intimate that we don't have to talk about the past or about each other- we just figure it out as we go along. He is the kind of person who, every time you talk, you feel like you share a secret from the rest of the world. There are so many small things about him that I notice and think to myself that I might want that characteristic. I want people to feel that way when I talk to them...

11. The closest I've ever gotten with anyone and ever will get with anyone is with Bethany. She knows all about me and likes me anyway. Guaranteed, if she posts 25 things, I already know those 25 things. My favorite moments with her are when it's just us two in the car. We get the best conversations in then. We should never give each other advice though. It never has worked out. I have absolutely no idea where I would be if it wasn't for her. I get really upset and hostile when I haven't seen her after about three months. I usually end up picking a fight with my mom because of it. She is the kind of person who, after you have gone so long with no contact, you wonder what's missing in your life. Kind of like forgetting the name of a movie a line came from. 

12. I miss living with Rony, Vania, and Adelle so much. We had a blast last year.

13. My problem with marriage is that I feel like the game is really over. It seems that, because you have to share your life with someone else, all your dreams are done for. So everything I want to accomplish in life, I feel like I have to get it all done before I marry or else I'll never get to do it. I don't want to marry so I can get help paying off my school loans or so I won't be lonely. I'll marry someone who excites me and I want to marry so I can be a foster mom. But I have so much time so dating and relationships just aren't priority right now.

14. I believe OCD is bull. Depression, too. Do not do not do not come to me with depression. Oh my gosh I get so mad- probably because there are so many people who have so much to be depressed about and they maybe were for like a day but decided they didn't want to live like that. Why would you want to live like that? For the attention? Please. I don't cater to that- I don't sympathize. The most I'll do is buy you chocolate and even that is an attempt to get you to stop talking to me. 

15. I hate people who argue politics and don't know what they are talking about. I'm not claiming to know all about politics, and when I don't know then I can it and listen. And I hate it when people complain about the country but don't vote, lobby, or do anything about it. You don't like something then do something about it. Don't tell me the electoral college is crap. It's there to keep people like you from voting. Don't tell me welfare systems are useless. Do you want your mail, your drivers license, your food stamps, your gas mileage reimbursed, your tax returns? 

16. I'm not an angry person, although I seem like it right now. I do enjoy some things, but they are the small things. I enjoy reading my coffee cups and I love getting up early and jogging in the park when the sun comes up and I LOVE dancing in the park basketball court to music only I can hear and people watch me. I enjoy pretending not to notice people I know when I walk on campus and I love working on huge projects with researchers on Saturdays when the sun is going down. 

17. We spent over $100 on junk food last Friday. 

18. Cilantro is amazing. I could put it on anything.

19. My first summer at Disneyland with Breeze and Deziree was the best time of my life. I never had so much fun for so long.

20. This summer will be an equally exciting summer. I have so many options ranging from working on the Disney cruise liner, a trip to Europe, traveling all over America giving presentations to working on public policy on Capitol Hill. 

21. Brian Alex Stewart is the most interesting person I have ever met. 

22. I am not the type of person who wants you to feel like you can trust me with your secrets. I'm not saying that you can't trust me with your secrets or what not, but I want to know all about you because I want to figure you out and I think your secrets and your life experiences and how you are when you are alone is what is interesting. I may or may not mention your life in my conversations with other people if it is relevant but my asking you about your life is because I truly want to know- it's not an attempt to make you feel like you have a close friend. That sounds mean but it's the only word order I know.

23. I love a challenge. Law school will be a challenge which is why I'm going. If you don't think I can do it, I'll go for it. I love challenging people, challenging projects, challenging classes. I will revolve my life around anything that is difficult.

24. I don't fear change. I expect it because nothing ever stays the same and I am disappointed when something changes that I wasn't expecting. My life changes so much, I have no idea where I'll be in five months. I could be anywhere. I could be in Costa Rica tanning on the beach drinking a pina colada with The Unmentionable. Or I could be at the White House eating dinner with the president and his family. I could be on a liner in a white dress hosting a show. Anywhere. ANYWHERE. That is what excites me about my life.

25. I generally like everyone. I may hate that you are depressed or the things you have done or the way you crossed me back in the day or that you are so stupid or that you are smarter than me or whatever but there might be something you said that caught my attention or we might have something in common- just that one little thing that caught my attention and I cling to it and that one little thing changes everything. Everything.

Hillary and the Invisible Woman

This is a 1,760 word article from Newsweek about Hilary Clinton's campaign. Of those 1,760 words, I have never heard of thirteen of them. Because of this, I have no idea what the article is arguing. For your infotainment, here are the thirteen words:

Bathysphere. A strongly built steel diving sphere for deep-sea observation. (This really is related to politics, I swear!)

Conviviality. Relating to, occupied with, or fond of feasting, drinking, and good company.

Coterie. An intimate and often exclusive group of persons with a unifying common interest or purpose. 

Huma Abedin, a.k.a. "The Body Person." Hilary Clinton's stylist. 

Defenestrate. A usually swift dismissal or expulsion (as from a political party or office).

"Cheek by jowl." Side by side.

Exhortatory. To incite by argument or advice; urge strongly.

Kevlar. A brand of clothing usually catering to militia but also to hunters and motorcyclists. 

Stop staring!

Indefatigable. Incapable of being fatigued.

Buttonholed. To detain in conversation by or as if by holding on to the outer garments of.

Beleaguered. To press with requests; to cause worry or distress to.

Misogyny. A hatred of women. 

Insouciant. Lighthearted unconcern. 

So here's a challenge: use all of the words in one week either in a paper or in normal conversation- or even in an email. It'll be fun- and people will think you are really smart.